Cristóbal Soria is a formidable enemy. It is, in fact, the number one public enemy for people who, like Tomás Roncero, bleed merengue when you poke them, although everyone knows that extremes touch and that, in fact, the most irreconcilable nemeses can even give each other a blow. peak in the mouth in full chiringuitero paroxysm. Soria is ready for that and much more. Soria can take advantage of a pause in the program to record a single, Hamburguesas mayores (dedicated, apparently, to Hazard), which he will later perform live with the Tekila group, since this man is a certified rock star and acts as such in every moment of his life.
He is also a man of faith, editor of The Football Bible (co-written with his partner Jorge D'Allesandro), dedicated of course to Messi, the only true god in the eyes of his passionate prophet. In fact, his beliefs are so deep that it is not usual to hear Soria say his name in vain, but on many occasions he refers to the footballer simply as "El Maestro". His faithful know what he is talking about. The Bible was quoted explicitly during what many consider his most perfect and inspiring sermon: Where are the guys?, delivered on May 8, 2019. Its context: the F.C. Barcelona had just been eliminated from the Champions League after a 4-0 defeat in Liverpool. Papa Cristóbal was, therefore, about to explode. And, when it did, the result (including races on the set) was very close to mystical ecstasy.
"It's not a lack of attitude, it's a lack of character! It's a lack of character! Because the fourth goal, what is it? An attitude problem? No! It's a character problem! Sure! Sure! Concentration... and character!!
[He gets up from his seat shaking his fists and begins to go around in a circle]
I SHIT ON THE MOTHER WHO BEARED ME! WHERE ARE THE UNCLES? WHERE ARE THE UNCLES?? I SHIT ON THE MOTHER WHO GAVE BIRTH! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO SCORE A GOAL FOR ME!? I SHIT IN THE MILK THAT FOOTBALL SUCKED, MAN! They're going to score a goal for me like this... THE MOTHER WHO BEARED ME!
[Throws an object against the ground]
They're going to score a goal like that for me...
[Goes back to his seat]
FUCK IT!!!
[Rises up again as if propelled by a rocket]
That's character! CHARACTER! WHERE ARE THE UNCLES, THE UNCLES?? THE GUYS!! WHERE ARE THE GUYS, MAN? Doesn't anyone come out from the bench to hit six squeals, mister?
[He addresses D'Alessandro, who immediately understands that it is better to agree with him]
No one comes off the bench? What football or football! The mother who bore me!! Intensity!
[Sits back down and starts clapping]
THE GUYS, THE GUYS!! Now after the whole year, now later in the Gamper they come out: 'No, because we want to... because we don't want to...'. Aaaaaayyyy! What a night, son, what a night! What a night, son, what a night! That's what I want: the guys there, with the veins marked on their necks here!! And the eyes!
